


Darling, You're the Change I Never Asked For (But Always Needed)

by xxxbookaholic



Category: A3! (Anime), A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Backstory, Character Study, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, New Year's Resolutions, New Years, Nostalgia, Pre-Relationship, Understanding, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28457568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxbookaholic/pseuds/xxxbookaholic
Summary: Sakuya lost his family at a young age. Masumi never had one to begin with.Sometimes, bad things happen for the better.
Relationships: Sakuma Sakuya/Usui Masumi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	Darling, You're the Change I Never Asked For (But Always Needed)

Ever since he was young, the warmth of another person’s touch had been foreign.

Sakuya couldn’t remember his parents very well. A kind smile and painted fingernails were the only things that came to mind when he thought of his mother and father. They were like blurs of black and white, mixed together to create a blurry and indecipherable gray.

That was what his past felt like to him. Gray. Dull. Nothing was set in stone. Even when he thought he had finally found a home, it never worked out. He would just be sent to the next relative, in a cycle of loneliness that never seemed to end.

Thousands of photos sat in his suitcase, covered in people who were nothing more than names to him. Somedays, he thought that maybe he’d never end his curse. Maybe he’d be forced into silence forever, smiling politely at whoever gave him the time of day and quietly thanking nobodies for his meals.

And yet again, a neatly built house sat in front of him, covered in tan paint and gray stone walls. Flowers surrounded the pavement of the driveway and a wreath was pinned to a red door. It was like every other house in the neighborhood; there was nothing particularly welcoming about it.

Of course he’d be spending New Year’s Eve in an unfamiliar bedroom, sitting on unfamiliar blankets and looking out an unfamiliar window. That was how he spent every holiday, and that was how he’d probably continue to spend his holidays, all the way until he turned eighteen and got a place of his own.

Sakuya waved to his taxi driver before shutting the door and walking up the steps to what was supposed to be his forever home. That was what the foster system had told him, anyways.

“ _Make sure to get along with everyone_ ,” his supervisor had said, smiling not unkindly but not happily, either. “ _Finally, you’ll be here to stay.”_

That was what she said every year, though, and it was never true. He’d stay for a few months and then be transferred to a new set of cousins, even farther out of town than the last. Sakuya glanced down at the newspaper he’d snagged from a convenience store, staring at the famous actor who grinned up at him from the front page.

Was it genuine happiness that put a smile on the idol’s face, or something else? At that point, Sakuya didn’t care. All he wanted was to be treated like an equal. Not a burden, not another mouth to feed. He wanted to fit in, and he didn’t care who with.

He took a deep breath and then raised his hand to the door, knocking on the wood.

There was shuffling from inside and then the door was tugged open, revealing an old-looking lady who carried a cane and orange tabby cat. Air conditioning blasted onto his face, raising strands of hair off his face, and he could see a bright red rug on the ground behind her.

“Hi, I’m Sakuya,” he greeted, sticking a hand out. The lady shook it, albeit a little bit reluctantly, and just like that he was plunged into a new life all over again. Would it be full of pain? Joy? Board games? Locked rooms? How long would this last? A week? If he was lucky, maybe he’d stick around for a few months.

To find all that out, he took a step into the unfamiliar household and tried to the best of his abilities to call it home.

»»---------------------►

Ever since he was young, the warmth of a home cooked meal and loving smile had been foreign.

Having parents who worked overseas was easier than others liked to believe. They’d give him sympathetic looks and pats on the back but Masumi couldn’t find it in himself to care. After all, at least he had a home. He had money, a full pantry, and perfect report cards. He had wedding photos sitting on the living room bookshelf, certificates hanging over the TV, and drawings on his fridge. So what if his parents were gone from the picture? It wasn’t like they’d have been the perfect family if they had stuck around, anyway.

Instead of sitting at an organized desk or standing next to an uncomfortably clean kitchen counter, he spent most of his time wandering the streets of Veludo Way. The town was so colorful, practically blinding him no matter what corner he turned.

On his walks, he had met a variety of people. Bratty toddlers, formal businessmen, delusional teenagers, stressed out mothers. The world was full of so many different kinds of people. Sometimes he wished he could just shut off the sun, even just for a little bit, to escape the headache that it brought him.

With a backpack slung over his shoulders, he counted the steps he took. Each slap of his shoe was a number, every tile he crossed was three. Sounds erupted from all around him, whether it be excited yelling, overdramatic actors, or sleep deprived college students looking for a way to pass the time. He brought his drink up to his lips and took a sip, surveying the crowd.

It was like a rainbow was standing before him. Colors, sounds, bright lights. It was all too overwhelming and not overwhelming enough all at once, leaving him craving for more. He wanted anything that could make him feel something, no matter what that something may be.

New Years Eve was an especially chaotic day. Everywhere he looked, there were people. Most of them were huddled against each other, staring up at a countdown clock that was still at least forty-seven minutes away from midnight. Seriously, people could be so childish.

_Or maybe,_ he thought, stopping to watch everybody else, _it’s me who’s childish. Pushing my feelings onto everyone else, claiming that a ‘fresh start’ didn’t exist solely because I never get to have one._

These were the thoughts he wrestled with every year, and would most likely consider for years to come. Because no matter what he did, nothing changed. Each day was the same, spent wasting the hours in smoothy huts and concert venues.

By that point, he was certain that he didn’t even want things to change in the first place, since if they did, where would that put him? There were too many unknown variables, shoving him onto paths he couldn’t even fully understand.

_Why_ , he wondered, _do people worship gods if those same gods they thank for blessings are oh so cruel?_

»»---------------------►

“Look, Masumi!” Sakuya chirped at his side, pointing at the TV they were both watching. Or, rather, that Sakuya was watching and Masumi was listening to while he dozed. The white light was too harsh for his eyes and if he focused too hard, the sound would come out more like muffled fizzing than genuine audio.

Reluctantly, Masumi blinked his eyes open and sat up, looking at where his boyfriend was pointing. Even through the blurry haze, he could come to at least one conclusion; nothing on the screen was half as pleasant as the feeling of quietly listening to Sakuya’s chatter. “What are you getting at?” He grumbled, wiping his eyes with a fist.

“It’s almost midnight!” The pink-haired boy replied, completely unbothered by Masumi’s less-than-pleasant attitude. He never really had been. Ever since they first met, he had never been discouraged by the short answers and harsh scowls. “Quick, make a resolution!”

“No,” he replied, scrunching his nose up and collapsing back onto Sakuya’s lap. “That’s stupid.”

“What do you mean?” Sakuya asked, leaning over him. Even with how late it was getting, his eyes were still twinkling in that stupidly beautiful way they always did, and an excited smile graced his lips. Yet again, Masumi wondered how this became his life in the first place.

“None of that stuff is real, anyways,” he pointed out, fluttering his eyes shut. If he were to look at Sakuya any longer, he was worried his eyes would go sore from the light, and if that happened, how would he act out the plays he knew his boyfriend loved? “It’s just a legend.”

“How is it a legend?” He asked. _Isn’t it obvious?_ He thought but didn’t say. Masumi heard a rustling coming from above him and he felt Sakuya adjust his legs, just slightly.

“Just because you make a wish doesn’t mean it’ll magically come true.”

“It’s not about magic,” Sakuya argued stubbornly, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t just hope that your resolution will come true. You need to work to make it happen! Put in a little bit of perseverance and you can do whatever you set your mind on!”

Masumi sighed, stretching his back. “My resolution is that I nap two times a day instead of one.”

Sakuya’s giggle was better than any rock band’s music. It was the lullaby that he could fall asleep to (and had), the melody that kept him from drifting far away from Mankai Company as a whole. There was nothing better than his laugh. Masumi had learned that years ago and yet he was still reminded of it each and every day.

Sakuya was the sun and Masumi was the earth, revolving around him and never once wondering what it would be like to follow another.

“Of course you’d say that,” he said fondly, brushing hair out of his face. When he said nothing else, Masumi finally opened his eyes. Now, Sakuya was looking out the window rather than at him, obviously deep in thought.

“What about you?” Masumi asked, his voice breaking.

“Huh?” Sakuya snapped out of his trance, going back to petting his hair in even strokes.

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?” He pressed, bringing his hand up to curl it around Sakuya’s wrist.

“My New Year’s resolution? Well, that’s easy!” Sakuya laughed, lips curving upwards and head tilting to the side. “I want to stay right here with you and the rest of Spring Troupe, forever and ever! I want to brush up on my acting skills, graduate from college, and win the Fleur Award!”

They were silent for a second, and then Masumi rolled over onto his stomach, closing his eyes again. The whole ‘staying awake until 12:00’ thing wasn’t working out as well as Sakuya had most likely wanted it to. “That sounds like too much work,” he mumbled.

“Well, sticking with you won’t take any work at all. Or, I hope it doesn’t,” Sakuya replied, stopping his hand motions for a second. “I don’t want to leave here. You all are my family and I don’t want that to change.” _That makes two of us._

Instead of responding verbally, Masumi just leaned upwards into his hand and hoped Sakuya would understand.

_“Yes, I want to stay with you, too,”_ he wanted his action to say, “ _forever and ever.”_

Ever since joining Mankai, nothing had been the same. Every day was a surprise, leaving him curiouser and curiouser with every season.

_Change doesn’t have to be bad_ , Masumi decided as he sunk deeper into the warmth under his body. Sometimes change can be good. Great even!

All he had to do was make it so.

But that could wait for tomorrow, when it was a new year and he wasn’t curled up in what he had come to know as indiscriminate love.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Years Eve!  
> This is my first time writing for Sakumasu but I'm really happy with how it turned out. Their pasts are kind of similar but at the same time very different. I feel like they'd really be able to understand each other. With each other, they made their own family, and I just think that's really sweet.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! They really encourage me.  
> Have a nice rest of your day/night!


End file.
